Alyssa Bowen: Exploration of Self in Italy
When you’re in a conversation with another person that says the opposite of what you perceive yourself, do you ever stop to question it? Do you wonder if that person truly knows you, or if they see something that you don’t see in yourself?
Before traveling abroad, I was a person that would struggle being alone. I hated being by myself, though I never admitted it. If you saw me a year ago, I would always be in a room full of people starting a conversation. In the Art department I was known for being open, friendly, and always ready to talk. At first, I didn’t want to feel alone, but eventually, It became a habit I couldn’t escape. If I stop talking, people question what is going on with me. I mean I understand why. It was rare to see me quiet and in my head. I started to wonder why I can’t be alone with myself. Do I hate my own company this much? Why do I need others to feel okay with myself? I wanted to answer the question of who I am as a person, when I am alone.
When I saw the study abroad opportunity. I saw it as a chance to test myself not in education but expand view of myself and the world around me. When I was getting prepared to leave and I had many challenges to get through. At the time, I doubted whether it was worth it. Also, questioning if this was right for me as student and as a person. But I realized I wouldn’t know unless I tried. That was my first sign growth: trusting enough to take the jump. When picking my location, I chose Italy. Did I speak Italian? No, but there are 3 reasons why I chose this. The obvious reason is that I am art student; I can see this amazing works of art in another place that is talked about in classes. The second reason is I wanted to be put in situations that would push me as a person culturally and emotionally. By putting myself in these situations it would force me to think about what I did as person and why I did those things. Final reason is that I wanted to learn a different language. For years, I wanted to learn Italian for a while but never had time to do it.
As I started to leave for my plane, I prepared to be alone for my whole journey. I arrived at the airport after a long 4-hour drive. I felt nervous and anxious, but I was close to the start. I couldn’t give up now. Once I arrived at the airport, I got on my plane and started my journey. Once arriving to Rome for my first class I was confused about where to go, and I was lost for 30 minutes but I eventually found my classmates at the airport. My first class was a journey around upper Italy. It is seven-day class where we traveled to different cities like Rome, Caprarola, Perugia, Bagnaia, and Florence at the end. It was amazing class. We experienced a new city in Italy every day. We would try new foods, drink wines, and look at art. Yet, I found myself stuck. I usually made friends quickly, but it was hard for me to make friends. During these amazing tours of Italy, I question what is different. At the time, I never could figure out why. Now looking back at it. I was trying so hard not to become dependent on anyone that I found myself isolating from others. For example, I have a group of friends that would ask if I wanted to come with them to lunch. I would say no and figure out something else to do. It felt necessary for my self-growth as person. By doing this, I became confident in what I was doing. I went to art galleries with famous artists that I seen and nobody else wanted to see. Of course, I still would still say yes to some things that people would invite me to, but I felt unhappy a lot of times since I didn’t really want to do those things.
After that class, I moved to Florence, where I stayed for next 3 months. I said goodbye to all people I met along the way and said hello to 12 roommates that I stayed with for next three months. It was an interesting time. It was chaotic but fascinating. All my roommates were so different from each other. It was interesting to see how we came together. All of us were different majors. From different states and countries. We all came together here for our own reason. During this time, I met one of my closes friends that pushed me in a good direction. She helped me reach my goals, find courage to take photos around the city, to talk to locals, and pushed me to explore a whole different country by myself. Her support made it even clearer that I needed to take more action on my own.
Halfway through my journey I realized that I have only been on trips with my friends; never by myself. All my friends were traveling to places, and I was in my apartment not doing anything. Waiting for people to come back. I did this for two weeks. For my third week. I couldn’t sit there any longer waiting for someone to come with me to places I wanted to visit. I chose a small town called Cortona, where one of my painting professors was student at. I was nervous and almost canceled serval times, but at the train station, something switched. So, I jumped on a train and rode it till my stop. Arriving at my destination. I was in middle of nowhere. There was nobody in site. The train station empties and torn down. It was like start of a horror movie. As I tried to find a sign of sort. I found a bus sign. I looked at it and realized that the bus would be waiting an hour. Deciding to either wait or walk further, I choose the option to keep exploring. I walked past these colorful buildings with flowers with tiny cars in the streets. As I entered the town, I realized that I had reached a small part of Cortona. The main town was on top of a steep hill, and I could see the winding roads that lead to it. I started to climb. It was a very hot day, and I had forgotten to bring water. Every few minutes I stopped to catch my breath, wondering how close I was to the top. It made my journey even longer, I kept going. I don’t know if it was my pride or my curiosity, but I am grateful for that. Getting closer to top I thought to myself how far I had come as a person. When I reached the top, to me it was one my favorite views in Italy. To someone else they wouldn’t think much of it but it represented the journey to finally understanding myself. For my rest my time in Italy, I explored anywhere I wanted to go. I even went to a different country by myself.
Traveling can push you to uncomfortable situations. Forcing you to rely on your judgments not on others. Before Italy, I would question myself through the lens of others seen. Through my journey it had taught me to trust myself and to understand myself than anyone else would ever know. Leading back to my first paragraph, I learned that people’s opinions don’t make us fully as a person, but they push into the person we want to be. We as a person choose what we want to hear and question who we are. That is what we make us who we are.
Alyssa Bowen is 3-D Visual Arts major at Lander University. She studied abroad at Florence University of the Arts in Italy the spring semester of her junior year. She plans to graduate from Lander in May 2026 and after graduation she hopes to attend graduate school.