Alexis Pittelkau: The Fantasy of Fright
From the early age of 10 years old I remember telling my mom that when I’m in college I am going to study abroad. She would quickly respond with “while I hope you’ll be able to do that, I doubt we will be able to afford that.” This never deterred me from this dream, as I continued to explain to my mom that it was my dream after all. Looking back now, I’m not sure why studying abroad was my biggest dream at such a young age. Maybe it had to do with my want to get out of the small town I grew up in or, even more simplistically, my love of traveling. What I do know is that as soon as I got to college and found out that studying abroad was financially doable through scholarships and the money I saved up, I immediately went to my mom and everyone else I was close with and told them I was following this dream. I ultimately decided on the University of Stirling in Scotland because it is the National Institute of Sport in the UK, which allowed it to fulfill my academic needs as an exercise science major. Scotland was also on my bucket list of places to visit because of its’ surreal scenery and architecture. At this point no one could stop me, well except for myself.
Never did I think that my biggest dream would fade into my two biggest fears. The fears of being alone and failing have always haunted me, but these fears dug deeper at this time because, for the first time, I was leaving everything and everyone I have ever known. These fears didn’t hit me until I got accepted into the program at the University of Stirling. My head immediately started spinning with all the “what if’s.” What if I go and I make no friends? What if I go and fail to see the places I want to see? What if I go and fail to make the ones I love proud of me because I left? What if I go and things change when I get back, and I’m alone then too? And on. And on. And on. So much so that I put off buying my plane ticket until a month before I had to leave. These fears continued up until the moment I got in the airport security line at the airport, with a good bit of breakdowns and long talks in between. It was at that moment when I got in that line that I felt like that little kid again knowing my dreams were waiting for me at the end of that plane ride. I didn’t care about my fears, even a little bit. Instead, all I cared about was being surrounded by new people, places, and things.
The entirety of my flight from Charlotte to London I listened to my study abroad playlist that I carefully assembled to make sure I would be excited, which included songs such as “You’re Gonna Go Far” by Noah Khan, “On Top of the World” by Imagine Dragons, and “I lived” by Avicii. When I touched down in London it immediately started feeling even more real. While this wasn’t my first time leaving the country or even getting off of a plane by myself, it was the first time I was completely independent for longer than a week, let alone for almost 4 months. I didn’t let that get to me though, and immediately went to my gate for my final flight to Edinburgh.
As I got on the plane I struggled to get my carry-on bag to fit and that’s when the girl sitting beside me got up and helped me. After exchanging the casual “thank you” and “you’re welcome” we got back in our seats and didn’t speak the rest of the flight, instead just kept looking at what games we were both playing on our iPads. When we landed we both saw each other pull up the route to the University of Stirling and that’s when we realized we were both study abroad student. We both ended up finding this hilarious and crazy since we spent the last hour just watching each other and out of everyone on the plane we were going to the same place. She then invited me to take the taxi her parents ordered for her to the university, which I immediately accepted. It was at this point that my previous fear of being alone was completely diminished.
After getting back Julia and I dropped our things off in our housing and then met up to go to the store together so we could get the things we needed to help set up our rooms. When we got back we both went back to our rooms and that when I met my roommate from Texas. She left to go to an orientation for study abroad students while I set up my room. My friend I met on the plane came over a little later and when my roommate got back she told me she was going with girls she met at orientation out to the local pub if we wanted to join. As I walked out of my “hut,” which is what I called it because it’s exactly what I’ve pictured a hut to be, I walked out to 8 other girls standing outside. When we went outside they all reintroduced themselves to me, which included girls from all around the U.S., Canada, Prague, and New Zealand. As I came back that night from the pub with the girls I was not only even more excited for the upcoming months of studying abroad, but also no longer had a fearful bone in my body from all the fears I had before.
The rest of the time I was there was just like that first day. The group stuck together, for the most part, and there was rarely a day we didn’t spend together. From studying, watching movies, planning trips, eating, shopping, going out, and traveling, it didn’t matter, we did it another. Whether it was in Stirling, another city in Scotland, London, Dublin, the Canary Islands, or Lisbon, we made the most of every moment.
It should be added that my study abroad experience wasn’t perfect by any means, I definitely didn’t expect it to be. Things may not go as planned, such as not seeing a lot of places you think you have time for, or your sleep schedule maybe being as messed up as mine from trying to talk to friends and family who were 5 hours behind or a military boyfriend who was 7 hours behind. Trying to fit in time for everything can feel and probably is impossible, but I wouldn’t trade my study abroad experience for anything. I accomplished my dreams after all, and pretty successfully. I may have had those fears before I left, but I will make sure I never let those fears hold me back from my dreams of traveling and seeing even more places in life.
Lexi Pittelkau is an exercise science major who studied abroad in the Spring of 2025 at The University of Stirling in Scotland. She is expected to graduate in the Spring of 2025 and plans to join the Air Force National Guard while also continuing her education to attain her doctorate in physical therapy.